Miniature Donkeys

Ok, so we’ve had auditors up for the last few days, which has really been a pain, since I’ve actually had to work for the last week or so. Poor me.

Leading up the audit, I was exchanging e-mails with the auditors and found out that one of them, Jeanette, really had a really good sense of humor. I’ll spare you some of the jokes, because unless you’re a corporate accounting geek, it’ll all sound like Greek to you. But, never the less, this girl had a sense of humor, which always scores big points with me.

Anyway, the first day that they are here, we take them out to lunch and pretend that we’re all getting along famously. During the course of conversation Jeanette lets loose with the fact that her husband wants to get a donkey. Now, they live in Texas, which, while I’m throwing that out there and I’m not really sure that explains the whole donkey thing, but it is Texas and you never really know what goes on down there.

So Jeanette is going through this whole story and then breaks out that her husband would be willing settle for a miniature donkey that they could let sleep in their bed.

Hold the phone here a minute. A miniature donkey that sleeps in your bed? WTF?

There is no way that I would ever let anything with hooves sleep in my bed. The last thing I need is for Pedro the miniature donkey to start having a dream about running when I’m sleeping and my Mr. Baby Maker is unprotected, if you know what I mean. Do I really want to be in the position where the only thing between my beans and frank and a pair of failing hooves are my boxer shorts and the bed sheet? I didn’t have to go to Harvard to figure that one out.

There are few things that humans have miniaturized that actually turned out better than the original. For example, the Mini Cooper, that’s good. Mini three musketeer candies, those are really good. Mini DVD players so I can watch porn while waiting in the airport? Those I consider a home run.

Mini donkeys? Miniature schnauzers and collies? Bad ideas. If God had wanted these, he would have made them. I don’t know what mad Nazi scientist came up with these, but he should be shot if he hasn’t been already. Just because we can tinker with the natural order of things doesn’t necessarily mean that we should.

Now, on the other hand, if they could figure out a way to miniaturize my boss, so I could lock him away in my filing cabinet, I might be willing to listen to that.

In case you didn’t get it, the title is from Shrek. How do you like miniaturized text? It sucks doesn’t it? See, big text is fine, but this teeny tiny text sucks the big wazoo, doesn’t it? Point made.