The Chase

Last Sunday afternoon, I took a bike ride down to a little village south of us. I took one of the side roads on the ride out, so I was framed by farm lands on either side of the road. It was a beautiful fall afternoon, in the low 70’s, not a cloud in the sky, perfect weather to be outside.

After passing through Ionia, I was going to come back on Rt. 64, which is a straight shot back to our house. It’s a big, wide road with generous shoulders and great paving, so on the way back, which is all downhill, you can really cruze.

As I was waiting to turn on Rt. 64 (it’s a left hand turn crossing 55 mph traffic, so I make sure the way is clear ), another cyclist went flying by the way I was going to go. I decided right then and there that I was going to chase this person, as best as I can, to push myself for the ride back.

To be honest, I’m not the fastest cyclist. Oh, I don’t poke along (at least I don’t think so) and I try to push myself, but I’m not in the same kind of shape that a lot of these people are. I’m better than your casual rider, but I consistently get dusted by people that take more than a casual interest in the sport.

So, even though the ride back is all downhill, I know it’s going to be a challenge for me to try to keep up with this person, let along catch them. But, I figure, what the hell, let’s give it the old, out of shape 48 year old dad try.

I turn onto Rt. 64 and start spinning. Just south of Ionia, there’s a hill that’s going to be the only challenge for me. I stomp on the peddles and start to downshift to climb the hill when my bike decides to screw with me and the chain derails.

Shit. Now there’s no way I’m going to catch this person.

I hop off, get the chain back on and start peddling. As I crest the hill, I can see the other cyclist is waaaaay out in front of me, easily a half mile or more. I’m screwed. Even with my substantial mass assisting me on the downhill’s, I realize that there’s no way I’m going to catch any competent cyclist at this point.

But, I start pushing anyways. I figure that even if I cannot catch them, it’s still going to be a good test for me to push as hard as I can to see what I’ve got. And, at a minimum, hopefully I can make sure nobody catches me from behind.

After a little while, I realize that I’m actually getting closer to this person. I’m standing to climb the short hills, sprinting (well, at least for me what counts for sprinting) across intersections and pushing hard on any flats or declines.

By the time we get to Cheesefactory Road, now I’m only a few hundred yards behind the other person. By the time we cross Taylor, just outside of Mendon, I’m within 50 – 75 feet. Now, I’m conflicted. What does “catching” someone really mean? Does this count, or do I have to pass them? Have I achieved the goal I set out, or do I need to pass to make it count.

Going down the hill into Mendon, I drop back slightly. There’s very little shoulder here and a blinking 4 way stop in the village, with a good amount of traffic, so it’s really not the time or the place to pass anyone. At least, for my small skills, it’s not the place.

We pass through the light and start the slight climb out of the village. Now, here’s the other problem. I’m gassed. For the last 10 – 15 minutes I’ve pretty much given what I’ve got, and now I’m concerned that if I do try to pass, I’m not going to be able to continue the pace and stay ahead of the person. I don’t want to look like a dick and pass the person just to be passed in turn. I’m have no idea what passes for good form or etiquette in cycling, but I’m pretty sure that would be a dick move.

We pass smith road, go around a curve and 64 flattens out for about a mile or so. I’m close enough to this guy that I can’t see the road beyond and I don’t like being in that position. So, I make my decision and begin to pass.

I call out “passing on the left”, pull out on to 64 and give what little gas I have left. The other cyclist calls out “sounds good to me” in a distinctly female voice.

Great. Not to sound sexist, but I put in all that effort to pass a woman? Serious hit to the man cred. Now, before you get yourself all up in a dander, obviously, I know there are some very fit women out there who are excellent cyclists and can kick my ass all day long. There are some blind nuns in wheelchairs that can kick my ass. I understand that. But, never the less, it was still somewhat disheartening to pass a woman.

So, right after I pass her, she calls out “if I can catch you, I’m going to draft off of you. I’m on mile 40 and I’m a little tired so I can use all the help that I can”.

Awesome. I’m sitting on mile 20 and thought I was all that and a bag of chips for catching her, and she’s gone twice as far as me. Can this get any worse?

Short answer is yes, it can.

She calls out “you remind me of one of my friends I cycle with a lot”

I replied “oh, yea? Why’s that?”

She said “He always says “I may not be the best cyclist, but the draft off of me is awesome””.

Great, so now I’m fat like your friend. On second thought, get the hell out of my draft…

Anyway…I continued to push and “broke wind” for her, up the last hill on 64 to our street. I yelled back to let her know I was turning and she said “can’t you pull me all the way up to the top of the hill?”

About a minute later I was in our driveway and basking in the glow of the knowledge that, at least for today, with some qualifiers, there was at least one other person in Rochester that I could pass. Good enough for me.

The word according to Torrent

This was a comment on the WSJ today, that made me think of Torrent:

"A private sector crony are those companies and people who are in business solely to make profit at the expense of others. Those who have no regard for their social or environmental responsibilities."

I was so glad to see that Torrent's unique view of how capitalism should work has finally made it out of the pages of Multiply. We should have cake to celebrate!

Thanks, Mom.

A couple of weekends ago, on a Saturday, while riding my road bike (not a motorcycle, mind you, just a regular old road bike) I decided to crash into a completely stationary gate. I’ll spare you the decision process and momentary inattentiveness that lead to this occurrence, so we can move the right along.

But, let me just say that during my college years, when alcohol was more of a constant companion rather than the distant relative that it’s turned into these days, I had my fair share of gates & doors and toilet seats that jumped up out of nowhere and smacked me around. Oh, I gave as good as I got, believe you me, but let me just say here and now the concept of Mike falling down and going boom, isn’t unheard of.

But I digress.

After a trip to the ER and a CAT scan (yes, children, your father actually does have a brain, see it shows it right here), I was diagnosed with a close head injury (concussion) and sent home.

While we were at the hospital, my wife, God bless her, decided to update her status on Facebook with what was going on. Awesome. So before the world around me has stopped spinning, she’s carrying on status updates with all of her friends about my stupidity.

I understand with some couples, that when the guy is sick, he turns into a complete baby. I, on the other hand, don’t do this. I try my best not to complain, because frankly, nobody cares. But, in this situation, even though I was joking around and trying to make light of the situation, maybe you could put down the smart phone and focus on me for a while?

Anyway.

We get home a little while later and there’s the usual hubbub going on when this stuff happens. People stop over, people call, etc. etc. Now, I had every intention of calling my mom & updating her (she doesn’t use Facebook), but time slipped away and I forgot. Let’s just blame it on the brain injury, shall we? One day led to another and I forgot that I hadn’t called and talked with her. Lucky for me, the rest of the family, who had seen all the updates let her know what was going on.

I talked with her today. During the conversation, she said that she had been meaning to call, but she’d been so wrapped up in her own medical dramas, that she didn’t call. Now, my mother, God bless her, pretty much has everything a person could potentially have that isn’t lethal. Open the Merk Manual and chances are she has it. Maybe it’s a cry for attention from the former family counselor (ironic, isn’t it?) or maybe she really does have all these lingering maladies. All I know is that every conversation we have now, half of it is her updating me on her progression though the medical system with whatever the latest & greatest issue she has is.

So when she told me that she was too wrapped up in her own drama, it kind of pissed me off. It’s par for the course with her, unfortunately, on a number of issues, which I guess shouldn’t surprise me.

Yes, I am one of those people that can continually hope for the best out of people and still be disappointed when they let me down, again. I know, at 47 years old, I shouldn’t need a reassuring call from my mom, and trust me, I don’t. But when she just laid it right out there like she did, it was a real WTF Mom moment.

So, thanks for listening, cold & impersonal interwebs. You’ve been a big help.

Cell phones don't cause caner.

There have been multiple studies done that have shown that there is no direct relationship between cell phone use and cancer. The only study that did was where they talked to people that had brain cancer and asked them if they used cell phones. A lot of people said that they did and based upon that the papers authors said that there might be a link. Plus, that paper has been widely criticized by other researchers as having a lot of problems.

5 billion people across the world use cell phones now. With that much exposure, if cell phones really, really caused cancer, shouldn't we be seeing an epidemic of brain cancer? But yet there is no higher incident rate of brain cancer now that there has ever been.

BTW, the same group that said cell phones may cause cancer have said that talcum power can cause cancer. So how is that talcum power cancer rate going?

So some idiot group puts this out there, every media outlet runs with it and now stupid people everywhere think that cell phones may cause cancer. Maybe that same group should say that to avoid cell phone cancer, you need to wear a tin foil hat and that way we'll be able to identify all the stupid people out there.

Scott Brown is an idiot.

People like Scott Brown help me appreciate people like Paul Ryan so much more every day. It didn't just take political courage for Ryan to propose his budget plan, it took real leadership.

So, instead of actually having a real, national conversation about entitlements, thanks to Obama & turn coats like Brown, nothing is going to happen. Way to go, boys & girls. The Titanic is steaming straight towards the ice berg & most of you are arguing about where your deck chairs are.

Can someone take that scene of Leia saying "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope" and dub in "Paul Ryan" for Obi-Wan Kenobi?

Mother Nature laughs at your global warming call and raises you another earthquake.

I know that the environmentalists continue to warn us about global warming, but I'm beginning to feel that in the long run, the greatest danger to us all is just the plain old universe. We can do whatever we want, try our very best to protect ourselves, and in the end Mother Nature is going to shrug and just do what she pleases.

Should we spend billions and billions on a cap and trade system that won't do one lick of good to curb emissions at all, or spend that money and move people out of earthquake prone zones? If we really want to save lives, what's the better way to spend our money?

Of course, if we really wanted to save lives, the first thing we should do is equip every single car with drug / alcohol detection equipment, but that's a different moral and legal argument.

Also, if I lived in California, I'd be looking at what happened to Japan and I'd start making plans to move out. That country was one of the best prepared, and in a matter of seconds so much was destroyed or wiped out. What's California going to look like if the same sort of earthquake and tsunami happens there? Maybe to the LA basin?

Enough of the doom and gloom. If you're reading this, thanks for stopping by. If I don't see you, have a good day, a good evening and a good night.