I used to think that one of the ways to improve society was to implement some of the practices from Sparta. I used to say that we should take all of the youth out of the cities when they are young, place them out on some farm in the Midwest, and teach them all about the value of hard work, dignity and the value of human life.
I used to think that before I had teenage daughters.
Now, I think the best way to help society is if someone takes me out to some farm and isolates me for a few years away from the rest of my family. You know, just until my girls reach their mid 20’s or something like that. You could bring my son along. All that we need to make him happy is some hard work, golf a few times a week and an Xbox 360.
I have no idea what it takes to make my girls happy. And frankly, I’m too scared to ask. I pity the poor fools who are going to marry these two, but I can’t wait until them come along and take them off my hands.
I understand that the Queen has decided to honor my eldest daughter with a new honorific, which is abbreviated as H.R.B., for Her Royal Bitchyness. I love both of them to death, but they truly are HRB’s.
I’m beginning to understand the fondness for bondage that some people have, because I think that they all have teenage girls at home as well. Think about it. With my daughters, no matter what I do, I’m screamed at, told what an idiot I am and then punished for whatever it is that I did, until some arbitrary point where they’ve decided that I’ve served enough for my transgression. Sound familiar anyone?
I’ve also grown to understand the time honored tradition of the dowry, and paying someone to take your little princess off your hands. In America today we’ve replaced dowry payment with something called “tuition” and “higher education”. Whatever. All I know is that I’m actually looking forward to going into debt for several hundreds of thousands of dollars, just so I can have a little piece and quiet at home.
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