Following up on the heels of our hottest product ever, Weed-Palm, we bring you our latest gadget for you uber-rich, eco-friendly gardening types. On store shelves just in time for Father’s day is our newest product, Weed-Laz.
Yes, no more messy chemicals, oily smoke, cancer clusters or flaming children (we told you to read the warning labels) associated with Weed-Palm, Weed-Laz is the ultimate in weed removal products. This hand held, 5 terawatt, titanium doped solid state sapphire beauty is just what you need to quickly dispatch all of those pesky plants infringing on your domesticated bliss. Just store in the companion 5 ton, sub-atomic cold-fusion charging plant and you’re ready for battle at the first sign of green intruders.
Not only is this little beauty the final solution for weeds, it works well on vaporizing grass, shrubs, trees and your neighbors’ lawn ornaments. Is your neighborhood plagued by auto clunkers, sitting around rusting away and diminishing the value of your urban palace? Never fear, Weed-Laz is here. A quick burst from Weed-Laz and that clunker will be reduced to base metals faster than you can say “Full phasers, Mr. Spock!”.
Do you find yourself bored at night, sitting around waiting for your domestic goddess to prepare your meal? Just pull out Weed-Laz and have some target practice! It’s perfect tool for trying to blind airline pilots cruzing around at 35,000 feet! And that Direct TV satellite dish on your neighbor’s house? It’s a pre-made bulls-eye, just for you to have a go at. Fire away dude!
And last but not least, when the aliens finally do invade to have their way with our women, you’ll be good to go to defend mother earth and humanity. It will be to the front lines for you buster, so you can fire away and never, ever have to worry about what you hit or say you're sorry.
The Weed-Laz comes with white, blue, green or red beams, just like in Star Wars. Choose the red beam and get down with your evil self, you Darth wannabe. As accessories we offer black jump suits and Vader masks to complete your ensemble. We also offer rebel uniforms, so if you and Tom from across the street want to re-create the Clone Wars in your front yard, feel free to cut loose.
Disclaimer: Weed-Laz may cause flash burns, melting skin, catastrophic injuries, or complete vaporization, depending on exposure. We recommend testing on that yipping dog across the street before using it on your family. Lead groin skirt is optional, unless you want to have children with extra limbs and eyes (don’t overlook the benefits of those!). Power station may cause area-wide brown outs of your electrical grid, or it may go nova and sink to the center of the earth. Do not point at highly reflective surfaces, such as Grandpa’s head, as it may reflect back and melt your eyes. Available at your nearest Dr. Evil outlet center.
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