Cowboys and Indians

A cowboy is riding across the plains, doing cowboy stuff. Being that he was better looking (Brad Pitt) than smart (Clint Eastwood – like who would ever screw with him, right?), he made the mistake of riding straight into a tribe of Indians. After a brief battle and putting up a good fight, the cowboy was captured. He was taken to the Indian camp and tied up in one of their teepees.

The Indian chief, being a wise and honorable warrior, came into the teepee and said to the cowboy (remember to use that stupid Hollywood Indian accent when reading the following, just to give it that authenticity):

“You are a brave warrior. Before we kill you, I will grant you one wish”.

After thinking for a bit, the cowboy asked if he could talk with his horse. The Chief, somewhat befuddled by this request, but being an honorable dude, acquiesced and had the horse brought to the teepee. The cowboy reached up and spoke into the horse’s ear for a moment. After speaking with the horse, he smacks it on its rump and the horse goes speeding off. The cowboy said that he needed to wait until the horse came back, and then his wish would be fulfilled.

Later that day, the horse came back to the camp. On the back of the horse was a beautiful woman, with long flowing brunette hair and that gorgeous outdoors look about her. The Indian’s lead the horse to the teepee and called the cowboy out. The cowboy took one look at the lady, helped her off the horse and led her into the teepee.

After a while (because the cowboy had mad skills in the teepee, if you know what I mean), the cowboy and lady came back out, he put her up on the horse and off she went.

The next morning the Chief came back to the teepee and says (remember the accent now):

“Not only are you a mighty warrior, but you are a wise man. We have decided to grant you one more wish before we kill you.”

Without any hesitation the cowboy asked to speak with the horse again. After receiving its’ instructions, the horse races off and the whole camp waits for its’ return.

Later that afternoon, the horse comes back with a stunning blond lady on its’ back. Now, most of the braves in this tribe have gotten the word of what is going on and they all lead the horse to the teepee and bring the cowboy out. He comes out and looks a little depressed at seeing this beautiful lady. But, being a studly cowboy, he takes the lady into the teepee and conducts his business (for today’s younger generation, this means he’s “tapping that shit”, so we’re all on the same page.).

Later that day, when they are done, the cowboy leads the lady out of the teepee, puts her up on the horse and off she goes.

The next morning the Chief (and most of the tribe at this point) approach the teepee and call the cowboy out. The Chief says:

“You are a skilled warrior, a wise man and a mighty lover. We have had a powwow and have decided to grant you one more wish”.

Without a moment’s hesitation the cowboy asks to talk with his horse again. Upon hearing this there is a lot of elbow nudges, back splapping, winks and knowing glances going around the tribe. With a big grin on his face the Chief leads the horse to the cowboy. The cowboy grabs the horse’s ears and whispers fiercely:

“Listen, I said I wanted a posse, not some pussy….”