Please buy my widget.

It’s a good widget. How do you know? Because I told you so. And you should believe that it’s a good widget, just because I’m telling you that it is.

Some people may say that my widget is exactly the same as my competitors, but it isn’t. My competitor is a bad, bad person, and while superficially, to some, it may look as those our widgets are exactly the same, they are not. He’s a bad dude and thus his widgets are bad, whereas mine are excellent, because they are from me.

There are a few true believers out there, those that understand that while my widgets may look and feel and operate exactly the same as that bad dude’s, that since they are from me, they are excellent. I appreciate these true sheep believers, and wish that there were more of you. Those of you that are not true sheep believers don’t worry, because we’ll just pass some new laws that will make your beliefs obsolete. Or, in case that isn’t possible, I’ll go on TV and tell everyone how you’re bad, bad people, that you’re standing in the way of progress and I’ll generally try to intimidate you as much as I can.

My widgets come in slightly different packaging than that bad guy. My packaging, which is eco friendly and morally superior (again, because I told you so), blows away that lame ass packaging that the other guy has. Once again, I would sincerely appreciate you not utilizing your critical thinking skills to realize that our packaging is almost exactly the same, as well as our widgets, and just accept the fact that my product is way better than that other guy, who probably hurts little bunnies in his spare time.