"You know how I know..."

In the movie “40 year old virgin”, there’s a part where they play this game called “you know how I know you’re gay?”. A while ago, my son and I started to play this every once and while, usually driving to one sporting activity or another. Just something to pass the time and bust each other’s chops, you know? Guys being guys and all that shit.

One time, we’re really going at it, and I started to feel like he was getting the upper hand on me. Now, when he was younger, I was the kind and considerate father, always ready to let him win to boost his confidence. Not anymore. When your son, at 16 years old, is 6’ 3”, 210 lbs, and is a destructive nightmare on the hockey rink, the kid gloves are off. It’s more like survival time for the old guy against the young buck.

So, the tide was turning, and I had to come up with a game stopper to put him in his place. The chips were down, and the old man had to come through to save his pride.

As we pulled up to a stop sign, I looked both ways, and said to him “you know how I know you’re gay?”

“How” he asked.

“Because”, I replied, “In Hebrew, your first name translates as “I’m Gay”.

I started laughing my ass off as I pulled through the intersection, while he’s over there, sputtering and wheezing, finally blurting out “But you don’t even know Hebrew!”

Old Man – 1, Young Buck – 0, and balance returned to the Universe.